deja vu

I stood in the lounge of the retirement home and stared through the window at the large garden.

A distant thought reverberated inside my head. A sad melancholy washed over me, while the thought went round and round in circles on my mind.

"Jack?"

I turned round at the sound of my name.

"A penny for your thoughts," said Lillian.

"You don't want to know," I replied.

"Try me," countered Lillian.

"If only I knew then, what I know now," I said sadly.

"Not that again," blurted Lillian.

"See, I told you," I retorted.

"Enough of this," said Lillian firmly.

"But."

"Come on Jack, you cannot live in the past," commented Lillian.

I shook my head.

"You are right," I answered.

"Come on, let's have breakfast," said Lillian.

I followed Lillian to the dining room and we settled to our first meal of the day.

"Jack."

"Jack, wake up."

The hand shook me from a very deep sleep.

"It's time to wake up," said the voice.

"What."

"We are nearly there."

I slowly came awake and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. The rhythmic noise of the wheels filled the air and I remembered why I am on this train.

I had been at the front and I am going home on leave, rest and recuperation. The vicious hand to hand combat left my senses reeling and I had suffered a form of short-term memory loss.

I dug my fingers deep inside my coat pocket and came up with an envelope. I flattened the crumpled letter on the seat next to me and started to read the first words. The door to the carriage flew open as the train banked on a curve on the track. The letter flew from the seat and spiraled upwards and out towards the open door.

"Damm," I cursed, as my hand fumbled at the flying letter.

I looked out of the window and saw the letter spiraling on the wind as the whistle of the train sounded before it reached the station.

I stood on the train platform; a gust of wind came in from the sea and I tightened the trench coat round my midriff.

Visions of battles and lost friends entered my head, while I huddled inside the warmth of my coat.

"The letter you lost on the train, that was the tenth letter that I wrote you," said Lillian.

"I didn't get any other letters," I replied.

"Oh!" Exclaimed Lillian.

"You see, when I didn't hear from you, I thought that you were not interested any more."

"Don't be silly," began Lillian as she gazed at my face.

"If only I knew then, what I know now," I said sadly.

"Enough of that, said Lillian. Let's have dinner."

I followed Lillian to the dining room and we settled down for our second meal of the day.

The whistle of the connecting train sounded in the distance. I moved down the platform and waited for the train to come into the station. Salty sea air drifted on the platform and followed the train as it slowed down and stopped.

The door opened and a woman passenger stepped out onto the platform.

"Lillian!" I gasped

"Do I know you?" she replied.

"Lillian, you know me. I am Jack."

"My name is not Lillian," she answered.

I looked closely and saw the likeness of Lillian in her face. Lillian, my first love. The girl I love, but I never told her that I loved her.

"I am sorry. I thought you were someone I knew," I said as I boarded the train.

"The girl that you saw on the train. She looked like me?" Queried Lillian.

"Yes. The image of you, my deja vu love, I replied.

"Deja vu?"

"I had never seen her before, but somehow she reminded me of you and the first time that we met."

"You looked a dashing figure when I stepped off the train," remarked Lillian.

"And you looked so beautiful, as you are now," I replied.

Lillian held my hand as we went to the dining room for our third meal of the day.

"What happened after you saw the girl on the train?" asked Lillian as we started to eat.

"I went back to the front after twenty-eight days sick leave,"

"I was waiting for your letter," began Lillian.

"I was waiting for yours. When I didn't get any, I thought that you were not interested. That's why I didn't write,"

"I loved you then and I love you now," said Lillian as she looked into my eyes.

"If only I knew then that you loved me. I have wasted forty years of my life searching for love and you have loved me all that time," I cried.

"Yes, I have loved you all that time," said Lillian as she covered her hand in mine.

"If only I knew then, what I know now," I began.

"It does not matter, said Lillian. We have found each other."

We finished our meal and went into the lounge as the evening sun bathed the garden whistle